Understanding the "plenty of fish" metaphor.

There are plenty of fish in the sea. It's what many unhappy singles hear on a daily basis, right? But if there are SO MANY FISH, would you be in the predicament you find yourself in? The answer is yes.

Here is the trick: no one ever made a mention in this little trite statement of the KINDS of fish you will encounter. They are not all the same; as all singles are not the same. Different personalities breed different kinds of singletons. If you're sitting alone wondering where you may have gone wrong in the "fishing" department, then this may help you understand it just a little more. Below is a list of contenders, or "fish."

Plain ol' fishies: Yes, I did mean "fishies." That's not important. Consider this: You're a goldfish in a large aquarium full of other types of fish, and a few more scattered goldfish. All of a sudden, an algae eater catches your eye, all the way from the bottom of the tank. Even if the little algae eater likes you back, how will all of that work? You're ready to swim around and be happy and explore while the poor thing just wants to sit on the bottom and on the wall and just eat. It's a notion of compatibility. Find a goldfish!

Be careful: This doesn't mean to find someone you perceive as being exactly like you. You may not work out with someone exactly like you. Rather it means to find someone who is more likely to click with you and be into things that you enjoy doing. A relationship is NOT healthy if you're fighting or bumping heads all of the time, which is what a goldfish and an algae eater trying to date would probably do.

Piranhas: These are the "man/woman eaters" so to speak. They aren't always players but they aren't always monogamous either. The main concern with the Piranhas is the risk of abusive behavior. They will lure you in with some kind of charm and once you're in, you're for lunch. Be very careful of these; not everyone survives a Piranha attack. Avoid a piranha like the plague.

Sharks: I suppose I will classify serial daters and cheaters as sharks. Sharks are fine where they are until they get a fresh smell of blood. Such is the same principle for people who don't do monogamy very well. These people tend to only get into serious relationships for a substantial benefit, but they rarely ever stop their behaviors. My own boyfriend is friends with a man who really should have never married because he is nowhere near monogamous. Some of these men marry because they end up having kids with someone or, in the case of my ex, want to have all of the benefits of having a faithful little significant other that does all of the things a husband/wife would do, all while still going out to find more little fish to prey on while the SO stays home. There are a few gentle sharks, though. If you find a gentle shark, keep him! He's not dashing off anywhere for a while, which is good.

Turtles: They aren't really so much a detriment to a relationship as they are a drag on it. Turtles in a human sense can come off as unmotivated; they have no will or reason to do anything at any particular time. While this doesn't seem very concerning, the problem with being with a turtle is the idea of trying to keep the "spark" alive. How can you keep the romance alive with someone who has no motivation to try?

Nibble fish: It's pretty obvious that I haven't the slightest idea of breed names or etc for these little annoying things. They are synonymous to leeches. They are the clingy fish. Sure, clingy behavior seems like love in the first few stages, but it becomes very apparent as co-dependence later on. Co-dependence is an emotional issue that is better off being sorted out and repaired rather than left alone. The nibble fish kinda stick to you, but have a little bit of a problem leaving. Sound familiar?

Leeches: Finally, we have quite possibly the most detrimental of them all: leeches. Though leeches are more commonly seen with wealthy people, they still exist and roam. Leeches are people who would rather depend on someone other than themselves, resource/money-wise. "Gold-digger" is a common term used for it. Unless these leeches also offer some kind of benefit with your being with them (as leeches often don't), then it's probably a good idea to let the leech stay in the swamp.

So yes, it's not exactly the easiest concept in the world to grasp. Plenty of fish in the sea doesn't always mean a pool of worthy contenders. Once you weed through all of the bad fish, you've only found yourself looking through a small selection of eligible fish. But don't feel down about it; all good catches come with some good bait and a little bit of patience. Find that good catch!